SZN. 4 Ep. 5/ Holiday Anxiety and Family Triggers
Holiday Anxiety and Family Triggers
By: Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S
The holidays are often portrayed as joyful, but for many, they’re a minefield of stress and anxiety. From tense family dynamics to financial strain to the pressure of creating “perfect” memories, the season can feel overwhelming.
According to the American Psychological Association, nearly 40% of people report increased stress during the holidays, with family conflict and money being top triggers. For individuals with past trauma, unresolved family dynamics, or strained relationships, the stress can be especially intense.
Why Family Triggers Run Deep
Family gatherings activate old roles and patterns. Even as adults, many people feel themselves slipping back into the “child” role or reacting to unresolved dynamics. Psychology research refers to this as family systems theory — the idea that families operate as interconnected emotional systems.
When you return to that system, your nervous system remembers the old rules. A sibling’s teasing or a parent’s critical comment can activate childhood wounds instantly.
How to Navigate Holiday Anxiety
1. Prepare Mentally Before Gatherings
Set realistic expectations. Remind yourself: “This event may not be perfect, but I can choose how I show up.”
2. Create Boundaries in Advance
If you know certain topics (politics, weight, parenting choices) are off-limits, practice boundary-setting language ahead of time:
“I’d rather not talk about that today.”
“Let’s keep the focus on enjoying dinner together.”
3. Plan Somatic Coping Tools
Bring a calming kit — lavender oil, fidget item, or grounding object. If tension rises, step away and practice deep breathing or grounding exercises (e.g., noticing 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste).
4. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine
Both can increase anxiety and reduce emotional regulation. Pace yourself with water and nourishing foods.
5. Choose “Micro-Moments of Joy”
Even in stressful settings, notice small positives: a funny story, a child’s laughter, or the taste of your favorite side dish. These anchors keep you from being consumed by negativity.
6. Create an Exit Strategy
Give yourself permission to leave early or take a break. Sometimes self-care looks like staying for one hour, not five.
The holidays don’t have to mean sacrificing your peace. With preparation and self-compassion, you can navigate gatherings on your terms.
If family triggers feel overwhelming or old wounds keep resurfacing, therapy can help you untangle those patterns and reclaim your sense of safety. At Bluebird Counseling Services, we support clients in building resilience and boundaries, so you can show up to family gatherings with confidence instead of dread. Contact us today to start that journey.
