SZN. 4 Ep. 23/Why Making Friends As An Adult Feels So Hard (and What We Can Do About It)
Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels So Hard (and What We Can Do About It)
Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S &Jacqueline Baird- Her Village Podcast
If you've ever looked around and wondered, "Why does everyone else seem to have their people while I'm still trying to find mine?"—you're not alone.
One of the biggest misconceptions about adult friendship is that if it's difficult, you're doing something wrong. The truth is that making friends as an adult isn't just different than it was when we were younger—it's fundamentally more complex.
On a recent episode of the Her Village Podcast, I had the opportunity to talk with Jacqueline Baird about why so many adults struggle with loneliness and what we can do to build deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Friendship Doesn't Just Happen Anymore
As children and teenagers, friendship is built into our lives. We spend hours together at school, in sports, and through extracurricular activities. Repeated exposure creates familiarity, and familiarity often becomes friendship.
Adulthood looks very different.
We have careers, partners, children, aging parents, packed calendars, and endless responsibilities. Even when we meet people we genuinely like, we often don't have the time or emotional energy to consistently invest in those relationships.
Friendship becomes intentional instead of automatic.
The Loneliness Epidemic Is Real
Research continues to show that loneliness has become a significant public health concern.
Many adults have hundreds—or even thousands—of online connections while still feeling deeply isolated. Social media gives us access to people's highlight reels, but it doesn't replace meaningful conversations, emotional safety, or genuine belonging.
Being surrounded by people isn't the same as feeling connected to them.
We Mistake Proximity for Connection
One of the biggest barriers to adult friendship is believing that simply joining a group will automatically lead to close relationships.
Book clubs, gyms, church groups, neighborhood events, and networking organizations are wonderful starting places—but proximity alone doesn't create friendship.
Connection requires something more:
Consistency
Vulnerability
Curiosity
Shared experiences
Emotional safety
Friendship grows through repeated moments of authenticity, not just shared spaces.
Emotional Safety Matters More Than Similar Interests
Many people focus on finding someone with the same hobbies or life stage.
While common interests can help start conversations, they're rarely what sustains lasting friendships.
Healthy friendships are built on emotional safety—the feeling that you can be yourself without fear of judgment, competition, or rejection.
When we feel emotionally safe, we're more willing to be honest, vulnerable, and present. That's where real friendship begins.
Friendship Is a Skill
One of the most hopeful parts of this conversation is recognizing that friendship isn't simply luck.
Like communication, boundaries, or emotional regulation, friendship is something we can practice.
That might look like:
Reaching out even when it feels awkward.
Following up after meeting someone new.
Being willing to move beyond small talk.
Creating consistent opportunities to spend time together.
Accepting that not every friendship will become a lifelong connection.
Every meaningful relationship starts with someone taking a small risk.
You're Not the Only One
Perhaps the most important takeaway is this:
If making friends feels difficult, it doesn't mean you're unlikable or that everyone else has it figured out.
Many adults are quietly longing for deeper connection. They're waiting for someone else to make the first move, wondering if they're the only one feeling lonely.
They're not.
And neither are you.
If this topic resonates with you, listen to my conversation with Jacqueline Baird on the Her Village Podcast, where we dive deeper into the psychology of friendship, loneliness, and building meaningful community.
This conversation is also the foundation of my upcoming book, More Than the Group Chat: How to Build Friendships That Actually Feel Good, coming in 2027, where I explore the science and practical skills behind creating friendships that feel safe, authentic, and lasting.
Looking for support? At Bluebird Counseling Services, we help adults navigate loneliness, relationships, anxiety, life transitions, and the challenges of building meaningful connections. You don't have to figure it out alone.
Support the show: If you enjoyed this episode, consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a review. These conversations help more women feel seen, supported, and a little less alone.
Her Village is more than a podcast—it’s a space for real connection, honest conversations, and meaningful friendships in the places we live.
If you want to go deeper and stay connected beyond the podcast, you can join us here: joinhervillage.co 💛
