SZN. 3 Ep. 27/ "Help! My Tween is Moody!" – Understanding and Supporting Mood Swings in Tweens
"Help! My Tween is Moody!" – Understanding and Supporting Mood Swings in Tweens
By: Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S
If you’re raising a tween, chances are you’ve encountered mood swings that leave you scratching your head. One minute your child is happily chatting about school, and the next they’re in tears over the “wrong” dinner or slamming doors because their sibling looked at them the wrong way. Sound familiar? You're not alone.
As a therapist and a parent, I see this from both sides of the couch. And trust me—it's not easy in either chair.
Lately, my own 10-year-old daughter has been having a hard time with mood regulation. She can go from laughing hysterically to melting down over a small frustration, like not being able to find the right outfit or struggling with homework. Sometimes I catch myself wondering, Where did my sweet, even-tempered kid go? And then I remember—she’s right here. She’s just growing, and her brain and body are doing a lot right now.
So let’s talk about what’s going on during this phase—and how we can help our tweens navigate these intense emotions without losing our minds in the process.
Why Are Tweens So Moody?
Tweens (typically ages 9–12) are in a developmental stage called early adolescence, and it’s a time of significant change. Their brains are undergoing massive growth and rewiring, especially in the prefrontal cortex (responsible for logic and emotional regulation) and the limbic system (which handles emotional intensity). This means they feel things deeply but don’t always have the skills yet to process or express those feelings in a regulated way.
Combine that with hormonal changes, social pressure, increasing academic demands, and a desire for independence, and you’ve got a recipe for big emotions and unpredictable outbursts.
5 Ways to Support Mood Regulation in Your Tween
Name What’s Happening (Without Judgment)
Help your child identify what they’re feeling. You can say things like, “It seems like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now,” or “You look frustrated—want to talk about it?” Just putting words to emotions helps normalize the experience and builds emotional awareness over time.
In our house, I’ll sometimes say to my daughter, “I can see this is a big feeling moment. Do you want a hug or space?” Giving her agency helps reduce power struggles and allows her to begin recognizing her own needs.
Normalize Mood Swings as Part of Growth
Let your tween know their mood swings aren’t “bad” or “wrong”—they’re part of growing up. The key is helping them understand that they’re still responsible for how they respond to those moods. I’ll say something like, “It’s totally okay to feel mad, but it’s not okay to yell at people when we’re mad. Let’s figure out a better way to handle that.”
Create Calm-Down Strategies Together
Whether it’s taking deep breaths, going for a walk, journaling, using a fidget toy, or listening to music, help your child build a “toolkit” of ways to regulate their emotions. Keep these tools accessible and practice using them when things aren’t already escalated, so they’re easier to reach for during meltdowns.
My daughter loves drawing, so when she’s spiraling, sometimes I’ll gently suggest, “Want to sketch something while we take a break?”
Model What You Want to See
Our kids are always watching, even when it doesn’t seem like it. If we respond to stress by snapping or shutting down, they learn to do the same. If we take a pause, breathe, and talk through our feelings, they’ll begin to mirror that behavior.
When I feel myself getting overwhelmed during one of her meltdowns, I’ve started narrating out loud: “I’m feeling frustrated too, so I’m going to take a deep breath before we keep talking.” This simple modeling plants a seed of self-regulation.
Keep Connection at the Core
Your child doesn’t want to be out of control—they’re just still learning how to be in control. Offer compassion and closeness, even when they push you away. Set boundaries with love and consistency. And keep checking in with them outside of those hard moments. Sometimes a silly walk, a car ride with their favorite playlist, or a post-bedtime chat can go a long way toward reinforcing the message: “I’m here, even when things feel messy.”
When to Seek Extra Support
If mood swings are extreme, persistent, or affecting your child’s ability to function at home, school, or with peers, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist. A mental health professional can help identify underlying issues (like anxiety, ADHD, or depression) and support your family with coping strategies and emotional regulation skills.
Final Thoughts
Raising a tween is not for the faint of heart. But with patience, connection, and a whole lot of deep breathing, you can help your child navigate this emotional rollercoaster.
To the other parents out there watching your child cry over mismatched socks or slam a door over a simple “no”—you’re doing a great job. These big feelings won’t last forever, and your support right now makes a world of difference.
If you’re looking for extra tools or support in this phase of parenting, therapy can be a great place to explore these challenges with your child—or even just for yourself. You don’t have to go it alone.
