SZN. 3 Ep. 28/ Puberty 101: Helping Your Child (and Yourself) Navigate the Big Changes
Puberty 101: Helping Your Child (and Yourself) Navigate the Big Changes"ing Mood Swings in Tweens
By: Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S
Puberty. Just the word can stir up a lot of feelings—awkward memories, uncertainty, or maybe even dread if you're parenting a child who's entering this complex stage. But here’s the truth: puberty doesn’t have to be scary. With the right support, guidance, and a healthy dose of humor and empathy, both you and your child can make it through this important developmental transition together.
What Is Puberty, Really?
Puberty is the phase of life when a child’s body begins to develop and change into an adult body capable of reproduction. It typically begins between ages 8–13 for girls and 9–14 for boys, though every child is different. These changes are driven by hormones and affect physical, emotional, and cognitive development.
You might notice body changes like growth spurts, acne, breast development, voice changes, or body hair. But puberty also brings internal shifts—new emotions, increased self-awareness, social comparisons, and a budding desire for independence.
And while all of this is normal, that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
The Emotional Landscape of Puberty
Puberty isn’t just physical—it’s emotional. You might notice your child becoming more moody, sensitive, withdrawn, or argumentative. This isn’t just “bad behavior”—it’s often their brain adjusting to new feelings they don’t fully understand yet.
They may struggle with:
Body image and self-esteem
Emotional regulation
Peer pressure and social dynamics
Identity exploration (including gender and sexuality)
Being aware of these challenges can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration.
How to Support Your Child Through Puberty
Start Early, Talk Often
It’s never too early to begin age-appropriate conversations about body changes, boundaries, and feelings. The key is to normalize these topics so they don’t become taboo. Try not to save “the talk” for a one-time, awkward moment—instead, aim for ongoing, casual conversations over time.
If your child is reluctant, use media, books, or everyday moments to start a dialogue:
"That ad just mentioned hormones—do you know what that means?"
Use the Right Language
Call body parts by their proper names. Avoid euphemisms that may cause confusion or shame. The more direct and respectful you are, the more empowered your child will feel.
Respect Their Privacy (But Stay Present)
Puberty often brings a desire for privacy. Let your child have space when they need it, but also stay engaged. Continue offering hugs, asking how their day was, and showing up for conversations—even if they roll their eyes. Presence matters.
Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Help your child recognize and name their emotions. Model calming strategies like deep breathing, taking breaks, journaling, or talking it out. When they lose their temper or cry over something that seems small, avoid minimizing their feelings—instead, guide them toward understanding what’s underneath.
"It seems like that really hurt your feelings. Want to talk about it or take a break first?"
Discuss Boundaries, Consent, and Respect
Puberty is the perfect time to start conversations about consent, personal boundaries, and respect for others. These don’t need to be scary or complex—simple statements like, “You have the right to say no to a hug,” or “We always ask before touching someone else,” build a foundation for healthy relationships in the future.
Normalize Identity Exploration
Children may begin to question who they are during puberty. Whether it’s about style, gender identity, or romantic feelings, offer space for curiosity without judgment. Your role is to be a safe place for them to explore, even if their questions feel big or unfamiliar to you.
How to Support Yourself as a Parent
Let’s not forget: puberty can be tough on parents too. Watching your child change can bring up grief, anxiety, or even your own unresolved issues from adolescence.
Here are a few ways to support yourself:
Stay connected to other parents for support and perspective.
Seek guidance from a therapist if this transition brings up tough feelings or you’re unsure how to handle certain conversations.
Give yourself grace. You’re not supposed to have all the answers. Showing up with love and curiosity is enough.
When to Seek Professional Help
While moodiness and change are normal, some signs may suggest your child could benefit from extra support:
Intense or prolonged mood swings
Sudden withdrawal from friends or activities
Significant drop in grades
Signs of anxiety, depression, or body image concerns
Confusion or distress about identity that impacts functioning
A therapist can help your child navigate these challenges in a safe, nonjudgmental space—and support you as a parent through the process.
Puberty is a wild ride—but it’s also a profound opportunity to build trust, foster communication, and help your child grow into a confident, emotionally aware young adult.
They don’t need you to be perfect—they need you to be present.
So whether your tween is mood-swinging through the grocery store, asking big questions about their changing body, or just needing more space than they used to, take a deep breath. You’ve got this. And they’ve got you.
