SZN. 3 Ep. 30/ The Dark Side of “Self-Care”: Are We Really Healing or Just Buying Wellness?
The Dark Side of “Self-Care”: Are We Really Healing or Just Buying Wellness?
By: Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S
When we think about self-care, images of bubble baths, scented candles, cozy lattes, or scrolling through Instagram affirmations often come to mind. The wellness industry has sold us a neat little package: if you light the right candle, sip the right tea, and post the perfect self-care selfie, you’re “taking care of yourself.” But here’s the uncomfortable truth—these rituals can sometimes be a way of masking burnout rather than addressing it.
The Illusion of Self-Care
There’s nothing inherently wrong with relaxing in a warm bath or journaling for five minutes. These activities can be soothing, restorative, and even pleasurable. The problem arises when they become a substitute for the hard, messy work of emotional and psychological healing.
Think about it: it’s far easier to buy a new self-care kit than it is to sit with feelings of exhaustion, grief, or resentment. It’s easier to scroll past your anxiety on Instagram than to confront the patterns that feed it. And it’s certainly easier to light a candle than to set boundaries at work, face a difficult conversation with a loved one, or unpack years of suppressed emotion.
Buying Wellness vs. Doing the Work
Modern self-care often comes wrapped in consumption. We buy essential oils, guided journals, fancy loungewear, and endless apps promising mindfulness and inner peace. Meanwhile, the underlying issues—chronic stress, unresolved trauma, emotional neglect, or overwork—remain untouched.
This isn’t just theory. Psychologists are increasingly noticing a trend: performative self-care. People go through the motions of wellness without making substantive changes that actually protect their mental and emotional health. We’re encouraged to “treat ourselves” rather than to slow down, reflect, or ask for help.
Real Self-Care Requires Courage
The real work of self-care is rarely relaxing. It’s uncomfortable, confronting, and deeply personal. It might mean:
Saying no to responsibilities that drain you.
Talking honestly about your mental health with friends, family, or a therapist.
Exploring buried emotions and unresolved trauma.
Reassessing your career, relationships, or habits that perpetuate stress.
This kind of self-care doesn’t make for Instagram posts. It doesn’t come in a cute candle or a hashtag. But it’s the kind that actually heals, restores, and protects your well-being.
Moving Beyond the Bubble Bath
If you’re feeling chronically exhausted, anxious, or emotionally stuck, consider what’s really happening beneath the surface. Ask yourself:
Are my self-care practices truly helping me, or just distracting me?
What feelings or issues am I avoiding?
Where in my life do I need to set boundaries, ask for support, or make meaningful change?
Self-care should be about connection—to yourself, your body, your emotions—not consumption. When we move beyond Instagram-worthy rituals and confront the harder emotional work, that’s when real healing begins.
Practical Next Steps
Check in with your body daily: Take 5–10 minutes to notice tension, discomfort, or fatigue. Journaling these observations can help you understand underlying stress.
Set one boundary this week: Say no to something that drains you or ask for support in a situation that feels overwhelming.
Schedule a “feelings check-in”: Set aside time to explore your emotions without distractions. This could include journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or working with a therapist.
Replace one performative ritual with an authentic action: Instead of buying a new self-care product, do something that addresses the root cause of your stress (e.g., delegate a task, reorganize your schedule, or have a difficult conversation).
Seek professional support if needed: A therapist, counselor, or somatic practitioner can help you navigate deeper emotional work safely and effectively.
