SZN. 3 Ep. 21/ Helping Your Child Thrive When You're an Anxious Parent
Helping Your Child Thrive When You're an Anxious Parent
By: Alexandria Gohla, MSW, LCSW, Ed.S
Parenting is a profound responsibility—and also a deeply emotional experience. For parents managing anxiety, even everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. What many don’t realize is that children often internalize their caregiver’s emotional state, leading to heightened worry, self-doubt, or avoidance in their own behavior.
While anxiety is a normal part of life, chronic or unregulated anxiety in parents can unintentionally shape a child’s emotional development. Fortunately, small, intentional shifts can make a lasting difference in your home’s emotional climate.
Children Feel What You Feel—Even If You Don’t Say It
Children are extraordinarily sensitive to the emotional world around them. From early infancy, they pick up on facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and tension. This concept, known as emotional mirroring, means that your child might not just witness your anxiety—they might live it.
Clinical studies have shown that children of anxious parents are more likely to exhibit anxiety symptoms themselves (Murray et al., 2009). These can show up as:
Trouble sleeping
Somatic complaints (e.g., stomachaches, headaches)
Excessive need for reassurance
Avoidance of social or academic challenges
If your child seems overwhelmed, nervous, or unusually withdrawn, it may be worth exploring not just what’s happening in their world—but what’s happening in yours.
What Anxiety Might Look Like in Your Parenting
Parental anxiety isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it shows up as:
Overexplaining potential dangers
Avoiding activities or situations “just in case”
Reacting strongly to small disruptions
Constantly needing control or reassurance
These behaviors often stem from love and protection—but they can inadvertently teach children that the world is unsafe or unmanageable. Over time, this may limit their ability to build independence, tolerate discomfort, or take healthy risks.
When You Feel Like It's "Too Much": What to Do
Overwhelm is a common reality for many parents. The constant pull between responsibilities, expectations, and emotional needs can lead to burnout. When that happens, it’s easy to lose patience, feel emotionally distant, or spiral into negative thinking.
Here are a few research-supported strategies to help you reset:
Pause and name the feeling
Labeling your emotion (“I feel anxious,” “I feel overstimulated”) activates brain regions involved in emotional regulation (Lieberman et al., 2007).Use body-based calming tools
Try box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) or grounding techniques like holding a warm cup of tea or running cold water over your hands.Simplify when possible
Ask yourself: What must get done today—and what can wait? Let go of the pressure to do it all perfectly.Incorporate micro-movements
Regular physical activity can significantly lower anxiety levels (Stonerock et al., 2015). Even five minutes of stretching or walking can regulate your nervous system.
How You Talk About Stress Matters
Children are always listening—even when it doesn’t seem like it. Words like “This is a disaster” or “I can’t handle this” can reinforce a mindset of fear and helplessness.
Try shifting to language that encourages resilience:
“This is hard, but we’ll get through it.”
“Let’s take a breath and think it through.”
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to pause for a moment.”
These seemingly small changes model emotional flexibility and problem-solving—skills your child can carry with them into the world.
The Importance of Emotional Predictability
Children crave consistency and emotional safety. If your anxiety leads to frequent mood swings, last-minute cancellations, or emotionally charged outbursts, your child may begin to anticipate or try to avoid your reactions.
This hypervigilance can fuel anxiety in children, making them feel responsible for your emotions.
Regulation strategies can help:
Establish consistent routines where possible (bedtime, meals, transitions).
Let your child know when you're having a hard moment—but also how you're taking care of it.
Reconnect after ruptures with repair conversations: “I was feeling overwhelmed earlier. That wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry.”
Modeling Self-Care: The Most Powerful Lesson
When parents take care of themselves, children notice—and learn. If your child sees you stretch, breathe, talk about your emotions, or seek help when needed, they’re more likely to do the same.
Simple statements can go a long way:
“I’m feeling anxious, so I’m going for a short walk.”
“I need a few minutes to calm my body before we keep talking.”
“Sometimes adults feel big feelings too—and we work through them.”
This not only normalizes emotional expression, but teaches children that distress is manageable—not something to fear.
Getting Help Isn’t Weakness—It’s Leadership
Many parents hesitate to seek support, fearing guilt or judgment. But asking for help is a courageous step that benefits your entire family.
Parent-focused therapy, mindfulness-based parenting programs, and support groups have all been shown to reduce anxiety and improve parent-child relationships (Bögels & Restifo, 2014). You don’t have to navigate this alone—and you shouldn’t have to.
Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection
You’re not expected to be an anxiety-free parent. What matters is being intentional, curious, and willing to grow. By managing your anxiety with compassion and awareness, you offer your child a model of strength and self-acceptance.
You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to begin again.
And in doing so, you’re giving your child the greatest gift of all—a sense of safety, connection, and hope.
